Here's to parallel parking with ease...

To park parallel to the street
There are several steps you must repeat.
Just take a deep breath
(Don't think of your death)
And for goodness' sake, don't try to cheat.

First, see the car parked in front
And drive up to it, mirrors adjunct.
Turn your wheel to the right
(All the way!! Don't be trite)
And now look in your rearview perfunct'.

Don't forget to shift into reverse

And back-up (not so far that you curse!)

You should stop when you see

Both headlights of the Jeep

Parked behind you (or maybe a hearse).

Now this is the step superb...

Straighten your wheel--don't disturb!

Now back up until

You're close to the thrill

Of driving up onto the curb.

Then turn your wheel to the left

(You'll be so impressed by your deft')

And boogie your butt

Right into the gut'

Trust me, you won't leave bereft.

Now you've parallel parked, my friend!

And this poem must come to an end.

I hope you have learned

That this skill is earned

And you no longer have to pretend!

An ode to the late Little Stuart Little

There once was a gray little mouse,

A resident of our new house.

We thought he was cute

And seemed to be mute

So we went on listening to Strauss.

'Til one day we noticed a snag

In our beloved Oreo's bag.

We knew it was he

With the whiskers and fleas

Who'd broken in: oh, what a gag!

Since Stuart had eaten our food

We were now in an unpleasant mood.

We set up a trap

With poison and crap

To rid our new home of Stu's brood.

But Stu was a big drama queen

And played up his death with a scene

That ended with him

Curled up on a whim

Then suddenly live with routine.

We tossed him outside in a box

(And surely gave lunch to a fox).

We hope he's okay

In mouse heaven... hurray!

With a banquet of cookies and lox.

Here's to anger management...

There once was a girl with a head
As hot as John Depp on a bed...
Sometimes she would feel
The great need to squeal
When an idiot some dumb thing said.

Then one dark night she had a dream
That she met a nice shrink; what a team!
They went for a smoke
And when she awoke
It was clear her head wanted to scream.

So she went for a walk up a hill
Because sometimes that clears up the ill.
She felt quite at ease
When she felt the nice breeze
So she musn't forget to refill.